too long

- too long have I cowered, I have become a slave, of my own thoughts, I must conquer myself -
'Sympathy, from the album Anagogic Tyranny - song: Insurrection'

Not sure if I can quote this without legal effects, I for now decided just to do it without asking permission. I think they'll forgive me.

I am not elitarian in the normal use of this word. I am neither rich nor highly educated. But on some way I am part of another intellectual elite, which is some kind of a philosohpical elite. I enclose myself from the things the other elites of this world like and crown myself as king of my own thoughts and wisdom. While other elites and also the pulp, those who are not part of the elite but are simply working class try to get fullfillment in their lifes I scoff at them, I know that there is no fullfillment to be found in the way they live. So, I am an intelectual jerk. It makes me proud and arrogant. Because I am a philosopher, I am seeking wisdom because I love wisdom. I desire wisdom so much. I know I haven't found it yet, only a trace of it. This trace is enough for me to make me desire all of it, but I have found only a trace. Just like those who desire love, who desire money, who desire status. Who desires hasn't found it yet.

Now, as my death is neigh I must rethink. I have thought about wisdom before on this blog, which you can find here, now I must rethink it. Because why would I think that I, saying about myself that I haven't found wisdom yet, would now more wisdom than plain people, that life, that enjoys their meals and enjoys the things they have. People that think of fullfillment in children, in a happy marriage, in their daily work, in their divorces and their fights, in their daily struggle to achieve more than the other and in pleasuring themselves. Who am I to deny them on that? What is wisdom more than just have pleasure in the things you do? Death is close enough, there is no need to rethink it over and over again in order to receive more knowledge about it. Rethinking death could cause that you don't enjoy life anymore. So I was thinking about the things could relieve my heart from this burden of death upon it, and in which I could lust myself in this life. I said to myself that the things I loved would deliver me from my ferar from death. I had to enjoy the things of pleasure, like the food I eat, and the friends of my youth. And I sought pleasure in it, but I didn't find it. So I talked to you, Martijn, Akio is your name too, and when I talked to you my mind changed. Wisdom is about bearing fruits for the God. I find pleasure in the things in which God finds pleasure. My lust was fullfilled fully in the law of God, which requires me to love God and my neighbour and which requires to put righteousness before the holy shabbath.

I have studyied on the old Tanakh, to find out more of Gods' law. I sought God in it, but strangely enough I found multiple Gods. You know the story, Martijn, and I won't bother you with it now. This brought me to the theory that Jesus would be God also and I adopted the books that are called the new testament. I found truth and I found truth in my thoughts. But now it gets hard. I know you have been going to a church where people said that believing in God can and will be troubled by the mind. I went to the same church, and I still do. But I do not think so. I think the mind is crucial to know about God. But now I had a doubt concerning my mind. If I wouldn't find truth in my thoughts concerning the faith of the bible, would I believe it then just because of the truth in the bible, or would my thoughts conquer the truth of the bible? Am I a slave of my own thoughts or have I brought into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ? Asking all this questions I was wondering if I still was a philosopher. Maybe I couldn't stay philosopher if I denied the fruits of philosophy as good fruits. Which I did on this moment. I decided that it wasn't really that important. It is good now. My thoughts are not mine anymore. They won't keep me hostage anymore. I am dead to the whole wide world (Megadeth - Sleepwalker).

No more will I fear death.
I am alive now, more than ever.
Even though I lay down in my grave,
my breath has left my body turned to dust,
Thine life is with me.

Oh, God. Please be my guide and my strength,
please be the one in whom I find lust.
I pray to Thee, give me life today Lord.
Throught Thee I can and will be reborn into Thy Kingdom.
Than I will be free from captivity.
Than I wil find knowledge.
Be mine today Lord, and I will be Thine.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen

truth

Not just Marc is studying on the subject truth. So am I. Well, we are in fact not certain that there even is a truth. There might as well be no more than just a floating thought, a thought that is, that was but that has never been. Something such as the thing I just tried to catch in words. Truth evidently is a mystery to us, a mystery that will not easily be solved. The most interesting question is how you can possibly proof truth. Now the existence of a truth is in fact only assumed. This assumption is the thing that modern science is based on at first. Modern science is based on some other little things. There is some point where, being consistent, nothing that is is truth. If we ask the question what there was before the big bang is the same damn question as the question what there was before God. It can't be answered, it can not even be tried. How the things came into existence. We don't know. There are many more things that we are not certain of. As we are consistent we must believe it all is a lie. There is a evolution theory. This theory shows that through genetic mutations all animals have changed their entire form. From evolution all the species arose. There is a thing only that is necessary for this theory. This thing is that with mutations it would have to be possible that information would be added. Genetic, however, learn us that with not even a single mutation information was added. Each mutation seems to be responsible for a loss of information. There was said that science could explain all things. What we see however is that the many things that cannot be explained by scientist are ignored completely by them. What to believe?

There are many things today that we do not understand. It causes us to rethink whether we believe all problems can be solved or not. It cause us to rethink our entire philosophy. We need to question if there is a truth or not. I started to think whether there is a truth or not. The movie "The Matrix" has had a large part in this. The question I asked is how we can be sure if there is a truth. I was thinking about this subject lately and I foud out that the things that we believe to be true have clear boundaries. I found this out when I was consistently questioning all truth. I found out that I thought that I was laying on the beach, in this case, but it might be that I did not lay on the beach. It might as well have been a phantasy. It might even be a phantasy that I thought that I was laying on the beach. It all could simply be phantasy. Everything. Everything?

I decided for myself that, if it all was phantasy it was not real. In other words, everything that is phantsy is no truth and the other way around. Where phantasy starts reality stops. There is a boundary that both can not pass. When you got a cup of coffee on a morning you might try to catch something through that cup. It won't work. There is a boundary, which is in this occasion the cup. You know that there is a cup because you cannot grap through it. You might say: I know that there is a cup because I can see the cup. I believe that might be a true argument. But as we look at situations in the past it might be that our own senses are little disturbing. Science though is based on the proposition that there is a truth that can be known by experience, by our own senses. If, well, experience, would be a illusion there would be no science possible.

I decided that through boundaries we can find out know about truth. I also realised that it is only a knowledge of truth from the outside. We know that truth ends somewhere because we know that the boundary of truth is where phantasy starts. But I do not know what the truth is. It must be there, and by defining the boundaries of phantasy I can partly define the boundaries of truth. But I cannot by any means define the meaning of that truth by the knowledge that I've gained right now. It is certain that there is a truth, somewhere. As I started to try to find this truth I realised that this means that I must be a philosopher. If I wouldn't be I would never submit myself to such a lifework. I started to think about a question. Which thing is true? I thought, maybe it might be possible simply to find out the things that are the true and the things that are not true. I believe this is called the scientific method. With the scientific method the explanation which is the most simple is used and tried to be proven. Well, with my method I would try to just make a shift between the things that are true and the things that are phantasy. A shift between the things that are ideas and the things that are reality.

It didn't really work out that way. It appeared to be impossible to proof. Anyway, if I would just make a simple shift it would be only arbitrary to do so. But it annoys me that there would be a truth, which I believe is evidently there, and I wouldn't be able to find out what the truth is. If I don't know the truth I will have to base my decision on something else than truth. I would assume things to be true. But I wouldn't know. So, I remanined with the question how I could know the substance of the truth. It is a tought question. I'll need a little more time to rethink some. The first thing I will do is to define the boundaries of truth and phantasy. This will be a tough assignment in itself. If I am able to accomplish this, at least partly I will try to summarize the content of truth. This is a very tough question. I know that many scientists, philosophers, theologians and others have strived to know the content of truth. They couldn't accomplish it. I won't either. However, I might make a start from another viewpoint and try to find answers on some specific questions.

of the thoughts

Starting today a new web-log. Not sure if I will ever have some news to share. If so, that would be nice. For me, at least, I have some thoughts to share. They are probably mostly not new. Most thoughts are thought already, and most thoughts will be thought again. But I keep wondering, what if all thoughts of love and peace will never be thought again. As a dear friend of mine learned me, people do live according to what they know. If noone thinks love anymore, who would live according to it? Modern thoughts are thoughts of progress, but progress is regress often. If there is any news, to end with what I started, and people think of love and peace once again, I'll tell you.