too long

- too long have I cowered, I have become a slave, of my own thoughts, I must conquer myself -
'Sympathy, from the album Anagogic Tyranny - song: Insurrection'

Not sure if I can quote this without legal effects, I for now decided just to do it without asking permission. I think they'll forgive me.

I am not elitarian in the normal use of this word. I am neither rich nor highly educated. But on some way I am part of another intellectual elite, which is some kind of a philosohpical elite. I enclose myself from the things the other elites of this world like and crown myself as king of my own thoughts and wisdom. While other elites and also the pulp, those who are not part of the elite but are simply working class try to get fullfillment in their lifes I scoff at them, I know that there is no fullfillment to be found in the way they live. So, I am an intelectual jerk. It makes me proud and arrogant. Because I am a philosopher, I am seeking wisdom because I love wisdom. I desire wisdom so much. I know I haven't found it yet, only a trace of it. This trace is enough for me to make me desire all of it, but I have found only a trace. Just like those who desire love, who desire money, who desire status. Who desires hasn't found it yet.

Now, as my death is neigh I must rethink. I have thought about wisdom before on this blog, which you can find here, now I must rethink it. Because why would I think that I, saying about myself that I haven't found wisdom yet, would now more wisdom than plain people, that life, that enjoys their meals and enjoys the things they have. People that think of fullfillment in children, in a happy marriage, in their daily work, in their divorces and their fights, in their daily struggle to achieve more than the other and in pleasuring themselves. Who am I to deny them on that? What is wisdom more than just have pleasure in the things you do? Death is close enough, there is no need to rethink it over and over again in order to receive more knowledge about it. Rethinking death could cause that you don't enjoy life anymore. So I was thinking about the things could relieve my heart from this burden of death upon it, and in which I could lust myself in this life. I said to myself that the things I loved would deliver me from my ferar from death. I had to enjoy the things of pleasure, like the food I eat, and the friends of my youth. And I sought pleasure in it, but I didn't find it. So I talked to you, Martijn, Akio is your name too, and when I talked to you my mind changed. Wisdom is about bearing fruits for the God. I find pleasure in the things in which God finds pleasure. My lust was fullfilled fully in the law of God, which requires me to love God and my neighbour and which requires to put righteousness before the holy shabbath.

I have studyied on the old Tanakh, to find out more of Gods' law. I sought God in it, but strangely enough I found multiple Gods. You know the story, Martijn, and I won't bother you with it now. This brought me to the theory that Jesus would be God also and I adopted the books that are called the new testament. I found truth and I found truth in my thoughts. But now it gets hard. I know you have been going to a church where people said that believing in God can and will be troubled by the mind. I went to the same church, and I still do. But I do not think so. I think the mind is crucial to know about God. But now I had a doubt concerning my mind. If I wouldn't find truth in my thoughts concerning the faith of the bible, would I believe it then just because of the truth in the bible, or would my thoughts conquer the truth of the bible? Am I a slave of my own thoughts or have I brought into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ? Asking all this questions I was wondering if I still was a philosopher. Maybe I couldn't stay philosopher if I denied the fruits of philosophy as good fruits. Which I did on this moment. I decided that it wasn't really that important. It is good now. My thoughts are not mine anymore. They won't keep me hostage anymore. I am dead to the whole wide world (Megadeth - Sleepwalker).

No more will I fear death.
I am alive now, more than ever.
Even though I lay down in my grave,
my breath has left my body turned to dust,
Thine life is with me.

Oh, God. Please be my guide and my strength,
please be the one in whom I find lust.
I pray to Thee, give me life today Lord.
Throught Thee I can and will be reborn into Thy Kingdom.
Than I will be free from captivity.
Than I wil find knowledge.
Be mine today Lord, and I will be Thine.
In the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
Amen

truth

Not just Marc is studying on the subject truth. So am I. Well, we are in fact not certain that there even is a truth. There might as well be no more than just a floating thought, a thought that is, that was but that has never been. Something such as the thing I just tried to catch in words. Truth evidently is a mystery to us, a mystery that will not easily be solved. The most interesting question is how you can possibly proof truth. Now the existence of a truth is in fact only assumed. This assumption is the thing that modern science is based on at first. Modern science is based on some other little things. There is some point where, being consistent, nothing that is is truth. If we ask the question what there was before the big bang is the same damn question as the question what there was before God. It can't be answered, it can not even be tried. How the things came into existence. We don't know. There are many more things that we are not certain of. As we are consistent we must believe it all is a lie. There is a evolution theory. This theory shows that through genetic mutations all animals have changed their entire form. From evolution all the species arose. There is a thing only that is necessary for this theory. This thing is that with mutations it would have to be possible that information would be added. Genetic, however, learn us that with not even a single mutation information was added. Each mutation seems to be responsible for a loss of information. There was said that science could explain all things. What we see however is that the many things that cannot be explained by scientist are ignored completely by them. What to believe?

There are many things today that we do not understand. It causes us to rethink whether we believe all problems can be solved or not. It cause us to rethink our entire philosophy. We need to question if there is a truth or not. I started to think whether there is a truth or not. The movie "The Matrix" has had a large part in this. The question I asked is how we can be sure if there is a truth. I was thinking about this subject lately and I foud out that the things that we believe to be true have clear boundaries. I found this out when I was consistently questioning all truth. I found out that I thought that I was laying on the beach, in this case, but it might be that I did not lay on the beach. It might as well have been a phantasy. It might even be a phantasy that I thought that I was laying on the beach. It all could simply be phantasy. Everything. Everything?

I decided for myself that, if it all was phantasy it was not real. In other words, everything that is phantsy is no truth and the other way around. Where phantasy starts reality stops. There is a boundary that both can not pass. When you got a cup of coffee on a morning you might try to catch something through that cup. It won't work. There is a boundary, which is in this occasion the cup. You know that there is a cup because you cannot grap through it. You might say: I know that there is a cup because I can see the cup. I believe that might be a true argument. But as we look at situations in the past it might be that our own senses are little disturbing. Science though is based on the proposition that there is a truth that can be known by experience, by our own senses. If, well, experience, would be a illusion there would be no science possible.

I decided that through boundaries we can find out know about truth. I also realised that it is only a knowledge of truth from the outside. We know that truth ends somewhere because we know that the boundary of truth is where phantasy starts. But I do not know what the truth is. It must be there, and by defining the boundaries of phantasy I can partly define the boundaries of truth. But I cannot by any means define the meaning of that truth by the knowledge that I've gained right now. It is certain that there is a truth, somewhere. As I started to try to find this truth I realised that this means that I must be a philosopher. If I wouldn't be I would never submit myself to such a lifework. I started to think about a question. Which thing is true? I thought, maybe it might be possible simply to find out the things that are the true and the things that are not true. I believe this is called the scientific method. With the scientific method the explanation which is the most simple is used and tried to be proven. Well, with my method I would try to just make a shift between the things that are true and the things that are phantasy. A shift between the things that are ideas and the things that are reality.

It didn't really work out that way. It appeared to be impossible to proof. Anyway, if I would just make a simple shift it would be only arbitrary to do so. But it annoys me that there would be a truth, which I believe is evidently there, and I wouldn't be able to find out what the truth is. If I don't know the truth I will have to base my decision on something else than truth. I would assume things to be true. But I wouldn't know. So, I remanined with the question how I could know the substance of the truth. It is a tought question. I'll need a little more time to rethink some. The first thing I will do is to define the boundaries of truth and phantasy. This will be a tough assignment in itself. If I am able to accomplish this, at least partly I will try to summarize the content of truth. This is a very tough question. I know that many scientists, philosophers, theologians and others have strived to know the content of truth. They couldn't accomplish it. I won't either. However, I might make a start from another viewpoint and try to find answers on some specific questions.

Atheïsm

The last years since I am living in Holland I have seen how many different religions and 'philosophies' have spread their disease in a, for me, shocking amount. There is a blend of many overlapping truths,' there is no longer a truth. Many people cannot be longer confident about science, and the atheistic truth is no longer the key philosophy these days.

Somehow it shocks me when I see the demise of this very society. I know, speaking directly to you, Hermit, that you do not believe in the atheistic principle which I present. But just as I do you believe that there is one truth and that other truths' are no truth at all. You are busy with finding answers about how the God, in which you believe, can be proven, you are seeking answers about truth and philosophy. I even want to use your viewpoint: 'Those who desire wisdom (Philo-Sophy which means love for wisdom) have not yet gained it. Those who desire truth haven't gained it either.' You are in fact calling yourself philosopher, which means, in your theory that you haven't found it yet. You say this yourself often also. I won't attack you for it, there is no sectret or so. The point that I am trying to make is that you do not believe that any philosopher ever has found the wisdom in it's entire, only little parts have been found. The same idea you seem to express when it comes to truth.

I am sure that you have your reasons for this proposition. It is not so important really whether we know all the truth, but there are some truths' that need no proof because they are in the essence clear to anyone. Some of these are the following: Black is not white, 1 is not 0. These things are not only clear to anyone, they are also essential as a fundament for all things to be certain of it. These are the things that are for so much certain that I find it important to convince you of this being truth. There is a truth that we all can know. There are people who have at least found out the entire essence of truth. There is a truth which many people have found out already. You haven't, but I believe you will soon. There is no God. A God that would excist in any form would be able to be, just to be. The problem with God is, there is not a God until he/she creates anything.

In not even one of the creationmyths the God was there before he/she created the world and the universe. It couldn't be because energy was the first there was. As it's said: ...In the beginning there was energy, and the energy expanded and it's mass created the things that are. Some of the things that are became life and some of the things that got life became choicefull. Choices where made and knowledge was gained. Truth was found. The truth is, all is made of energy, and energy is all. There is no God besides energy. But energy is not a God, it's just force. There are not many Gods either, there is one energy, and this energy was there before all things. 

How do I grow wise?

Together with a young friend, whom I will call 'Akio' (what is the meaning of his name) I was talking about wisdom. We both travel a lot by train and so did we this day. So, I asked him what wisdom was according to him. He said: "Honesty, that is wisdom." What is the thing that makes honesty wisdom? I was wondering, how could I proof this statement. I agreed with Akio; "I think growing in honesty is growing in wisdom." But what is a good definition of wisdom? "Honesty," Akio said, "and knowledge." So, now wisdom had grown to two meanings. So I questioned him what honesty and knowledge characterize, what makes it wise?

Around us some people, traveling together with us to Zutphen, where listening closely to what we said. Some others seemed not to be very interested. They read the paper or listened to music. But one of the listeners gave an explanation. "Honesty and knowledge are both righteous, which makes them wise." He was probably right. All righteous things probably are wise, because all wise things seem to be righteous. If the righteous things are wise and the wise things are righteous than I think I've gotten the answer that I was looking for. Akio said; "If the righteous are wise, than the evildoërs are foolish." It seemed very plausible to both me and him. I had still a little doubt. So I asked our fellow traveller what righteousness is. "Righteousness is," he said, "doing the things that are good for mankind and for our fellow humans."

It was Akio who opened his mouth at first. In his opinion neither humanity nor any human individual is the criterion, but the God. Righteousness is the act of trust towards the godhead which He likes. I, becoming curious, asked him what the God likes. "God likes honesty, worship, trust, and submission. But the thing God likes the most is having a relationship with Him." "So, the greatest of all wise things is having a relationship with Him?" I asked Akio. "Yes, he said, all these things I just mentioned are wise, and relationship is the wisest. All these forms of acting wise create wisdom."

Akio is a very smart young man. We had a discussion about philosophy and together we realised that philosophy must not be about the principles, but about all the small, the special things. It must be about the gifts of each day, because each day has enough horror and enough joy to carry. Here he made a statement that is very much alike. Wisdom is the sum of all the times that you decide not to do some evil, but to do the righteous thing. Even so righteousness is made of all these things that are liked by the God; honesty, worship, trust and submission, and at most the relation with the God.

We all know the the bible learns us in Ecclesiastes that fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom. Fear in this context is about voluntary submission, trust and worship to the God. A relationship with the God. Doing what He/She asks for. So, it is wise to submit to the God. This God is a God of righteousness. But, it is the beginning of all wisdom. But what is wisdom? What makes doing the things the God likes wise?

"God made you, so He knows what's best for you." Akio had a strong idea in his head about wisdom; "If He says someting is best for you, He'll probably be right, don't you think?" Well, I was thinking all the time, and yet, doubting. The truth is as plain as it is complex.

In the very first beginning of mankind there was only one kind of people. The Adam (bloodred ground) was a believer. So was Eve, also a believer. But God did not intent it to be so. He created also the believers above the earth, in the heavens. Between them He made a distinction that cannot be breached, He created the sky. As you read in genesis you will find that there is made some barrier between the waters, which stands for the faithfull. God also made dry ground. Dry ground stands for people who do not bare fruit. They are the unfaithfull. They take no heed of the things the God says.

People who do not take heed of those things are called fools. They do what they desire and what's righteous in their own eyes. They are righteous in their own eyes, just as we all are. Look at David, one of the greatest philosophers of all time. He was in his psalms looking to earn his right. He found himself being done injustice and called to the God to do him justice. He called to God. And he was beloved by God, so God did do him justice.

We all keep wondering how we can achieve wisdom. But who is searching for it? A tree must grow in wisdom, or it will die. A tree cannot grow without fruitfull ground and clean water. You cannot grow in wisdom when you are living on dry ground. Buth when you live near the sea or near the river you will grow in wisdom. When you live on the shore you are in touch with other faithfull, who will stop you when you do wrong. You are just so you will be done justice. You are right, so the God will do righteous to you. You are wise so the God will give you wisdom. Because the God gives you streams of overflowing wisdom.

Now tell me. What is wisdom? Akio, please tell me, what is wisdom? Isn't wisdom the food that we receive? The spiritual force that makes us grow up? Isn't it the fruit that we bear? Isn't it you? If you have received the source of wisdom you must live according to this source. You can be baptized showing that living water is your source of wisdom. Fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom. The unfaithfull bear no fruit, they cannot bear fruit. They are dead. Their wisdom is dead. Wisdom is bearing fruit in the light of the maker. Bearing fruit. "Where is the wise? where is the scribe? where is the disputer of this world? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of this world?"

A "plain and simple minded" man can make wisdom as he stands in the water of live. But those who refuse this allflowing water will not find it, for they do not seek.

Fasting

For the Dutch readers:
http://maxxlife-berea.blogspot.com/

It is good to fast. Not for the faint hearted, but for thos who desire. Those who desire true love, but more for those who desire to know the God more. Praising gods is easier with a full stomach and with all the desires fullfilled, but praising the God without any of these has more strength. Desiring to know the God more than now, as I have the desire for more true love and more true wisdom I have decided to stop doing useless games on the computer, this at first, and the time I used to use for that will I use in two different ways.

First I will use a part of that time to read more books and other sources of wisdom and knowledge. I will use it to gain information. I'll spend more time with friends and philosophers speaking about wisdom and trying to find out what wisdom is. I'll use the time to read things friends of mine have written.

Secondly I will use a part of the time to walk. Walking is a great thing which helps to bring order in my thoughts. And it also helps me to get contact with the God. Yes, the God is also in the house where I live, He even is in me, but being outside breaks my walls of apathy, and walking breaks my resistance against the God, because I don't get extracted by the world when I'm in the woods.

If I walk, and I do not eat, there is a starting growth towards dependancy to the God of the heavens. I do trust less on my own wisdom, which I gained only by trust on the God, and more on the God, which makes me grow in wisdom some more (hope you can still follow me). I haven't find out yet what wisdom is. I know honesty is wise, knowledge is wise, goodness is wise and most importantly, fearing the God is wise. But what is the thing that makes all these things wise? What makes that fasting is usefull to grow in wisdom?

Once before the same question was asked on this blog. What is wisdom? This is the thing that will be next on the blog. But the thing that I found out is that wisdom does not so much grown when you grown in knowledge, but more by growing in love and in relationships. Relationships, strong relationship, are often more about giving than about taking. If you have the strength to give some of your food or your time to the God, requesting only His love, you'll grow in wisdom, because you grow in love. Learning to give because you love someone makes you grow in maturity.

Today only view people fast. Little children dare to give something to receive love, but grown up people seem to think that they need no love. So they would not have to fast anymore. Fasting is good, but it is not only for yourself. If you are faint hearted, you won't do it, because you will realize that the cost is much higher than the benefit. Many do not realize that the gift they give when they fast is not a gift from their own property. They give God what already belongs to Him, and He rewards for it. Some do desire true love, and to know God more. They will not be disappointed. Fasting is a gift that keeps on giving.

Transfer or not to be

Sibon, the Dutch footballplayer has recently elongated his contract with his club FC Heerenveen. Giggs, who is playing with his club Manchester United for eighteen years now, hasn’t lost his pleasure in this club. He will stay also for another year. Both players show loyalty to their clubs. Many players a changing clubs as often as they change close. I am wondering which decision is the best.

When Klaas Jan Huntelaar changed from Ajax to FC Madrid his income grew from a little over two million to more than four million Euros. His income had already grown a lot since his departure from Heerenveen, where he earned less than a million. So, changing clubs can make the income much higher.

As a example of the other way around we can call on Hatem Trabelsi. He was one of the star players for Ajax when he debuted. He probably was on of the greatest talents. He played five years for Ajax. After he departed and went to Manchester City he never came back. Because of his weak knees no club wanted him, even though his great prestige in the time he played for Ajax. Transfering brought him nothing but trouble.

A wise decision is not easy to make. With Pilate I ask myself: What is wisdom. It is all about the principles. If the principles are that money and fame do not stink you will decide to transfer. But those who do find many things, like health, moe important than money will not easily transfer. A right answer is not easy to make and I will not without very carefull research (for which I don’t have the time right now) decide.